Monday, January 7, 2013

The Princess and the Pee

It's been no secret that my body is turning against me lately. I woke up with a knife in my side on Thursday, and my mom promptly ran me to that awful Instacare place where you wait five hours to get your temperature taken.

But everyone thought I had Appendicitis, so I was rushed into the back. They took my blood and made me pee in a cup. When they couldn't find anything wrong with me, the doctor (who was almost deaf) told me I needed to get an ultrasound. The conversation went like this:

Doctor: Well... we can't see what's wrong yet. We haven't ruled out anything, but I'm almost positive it isn't Appendicitis. But we want an ultrasound just to be sure.

Mom: She has to get an ultrasound? Why?

D: Nothing's wrong with her.

M: Then why does she have to get an ultrasound?

D: (stares at her for a minute) A what? She wants a what?

M: Why are you having her get an ultrasound?!

D: I already said that.

M: I know you said it, but WHY?!

D: To see if she has Appendicitis!

So after being poked and prodded for a few hours, I went home and waited for my ultrasound. The thing that those new mothers don't tell you is that you have to have a full bladder before you get one, so they can see everything. And if you know me, I swallow my spit and I have to pee two seconds later. So I downed 32 ounces of water. Then I accidentally peed it out. So I downed another 32 ounces right before we went back to the doctor.

We went up the the fancy ultrasound clinic thing, and I seriously felt I was pregnant. It was beyond embarrassing. Especially since there was this really cute boy walking past, and my mom said as loud as possible, "We're here for my daughter's ULTRASOUND." And he gave me a judgmental look and tailed behind his mom. Running away from the teen mom.

So we get in the ultrasound room, and I lay down in this very cold table, my bladder bursting. The nurse put this goo on my stomach that was first cold, and then you feel a fire-y sensation. She told me to lift up my shirt, and I complied. Then she shoved this little ultrasound camera thing down my pants unexpectedly, and I jumped up with surprise. She told me to relax, so I just was laying there, and the the camera thing was tickling me and I had to pee SO BAD. And then she told me my bladder wasn't full enough, and made me drink the disgusting tap water. After that I was completely dying. When she finally got down to her ultrasound business, she pushed down really hard on my stomach and I screeched. It hurt and I had to go really really really bad. She gives me a glare and keeps going. By the end of it I'm sweating like crazy. When she said she was done I booked it to the bathroom, cutting in front of this guy who had to take a urine test. I'm sorry dude, but pretending to be pregnant is hard enough without having to wait for the bathroom.

Princess and the Pea Hand Painted Canvas .... but wouldn't this be an adorable girl's quilt?! YES!
that's basically my face went the nurse pushed on my stomach. 

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